Houseguesting 101

By Reena Jana
September 5, 2011

Summer is nearly over, but not without one last hurrah in the weekend-getaway department: Labor Day. If you're spending the holiday staying with friends or family, we hope you didn't forget to pack a hostess gift along with your bathing suit. Why? According to etiquette experts, bringing such a token of appreciation is simply good manners. And it's also a sure way to ensure that you'll be invited back.

What makes for a good hostess gift? One excellent general source for ideas is the Emily Post Institute, a 65-year-old etiquette advisory organization founded by the late Emily Post, a doyenne of polite behavior. The Emily Post Institute will soon publish the book Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition: Manners for a New World (Morrow) in October. However, many of the book’s tips can also be found online on the Emily Post Institute’s “Etipedia” Web site.

Labor Day

Flowers in a Mason Jar ; Wine; Gourmet Gift Basket (images via Flickr)

The Etipedia entry for “Should I Bring a Hostess Gift”: "Wine, flowers, specialty food items, and small items for the house all make good hostess gifts. Flowers are terrific too, but if you want to go beyond Etiquette 101, bring them in a simple vase (a Mason jar is fine)."

But it's okay to bend the rules and bring a very personal gift—for instance, instead of fancy soaps (which would qualify as “small items for the house”), it might be better to pick out a cool new board game for a hostess who loves them.

“It is always a great idea to give a present that is specific to the person or people who will be getting it,” says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based expert on contemporary manners and the author of the etiquette books Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone In Between (Simon Spotlight Entertainment) and See Dick Bite Jane: A Think and Do Book for Parenting Predicaments Big and Small (Adams Media).

“There is no reason not to give your hosts something that shows you know them by giving them something that they would find interesting or amusing. Those are always such great things to receive,” Mac Adam adds.

And what about timing, in terms of when to give a hostess gift during a weekend stay? Immediately upon arrival? Right as you leave?

“I feel that it is the kind of gesture you may as well make early in the visit, since that way you stand less of a chance of forgetting,” advises Mac Adam.

That being said, better late than never... So if you haven't brought anything with you this weekend, offer to treat the group to dinner out, then send a gift later.

Here, we've picked out a no-fail list of hostess gifts that will help you express your gratitude, wherever you spend this Labor Day weekend—or any other weekend, really.

Iittala Alvar Aalto Vase

(buy it now price, $105)

This curvaceous vase, designed by the late Finnish design icon Alvar Aalto, is a classic. It’s both chic and timeless.
Diptyque Candle

(buy it now price, $47)

Beautifully scented candles from the Parisian shop Diptyque make for a thoughtful treat for a hostess (or host) and will add to the welcoming ambience of her home in the future.
Cabernet Sauvignon Wine

(buy it now price, $15.99)

When your hosts crack open a tasteful bottle of wine you’ve given them, they’ll fondly recall your visit. Or toast you if they decide to open it during your stay.
Set of Ralph Lauren Hand Towels

(buy it now price, $99.99)

As a houseguest, you’re not expected to provide your own towels, of course, but adding to your hosts’ linen closet with these fluffy hand towels from Ralph Lauren is a considerate way to say “thank you.”
Hermes D'Orange Verte Gift-Boxed Soap

(buy it now price, $39.95)

Why not splurge on an crisp-scented soap presented elegantly, like this one from Hermes? It’s a luxury, yes. But also a household necessity.
Jonathan Adler Elephant Mug

(buy it now price, $28)

Chances are, if you’re a weekend guest, you’re also catching up over morning coffee with your hostess. Give her an eye-catching elephant-shaped mug and she’ll think of you each time she sips her morning joe in such an unusual—and adorable—vessel.
Vosges Chocolate Bars

(buy it now price, $7.50)

Who says candy isn’t for grownups? A sophisticated set of chocolate bars with exotic ingredients (like hickory smoked almonds and Fleur de Sel) is a lovely indulgence that also makes for a sweet gift.
Fresh Flowers

(buy it now price, $39.99)

If you’re not sure what to give as a thank-you gift for a weekend stay, sending a bouquet of fresh blossoms is a classic way to show that you not only have excellent manners, but that you enjoyed your visit and value your hostess’s hospitality.
Vintage 1940 Monopoly Board Game

(starting bid, $99.99)

Instead of the expected, why not bring a stack of vintage board games? This Monopoly from 1940 is a real collector's item.